


Love Will Find A Way

by starfirenighthood



Series: Ignorance, Love, and Bliss [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Again, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bat Family, Blood, Canonical Character Death, Coping, Crying, Depression, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Funeral, Grieving, Guilt, Healing, Loss, Lost Days Jason, Love, M/M, Memories, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Resurrected Jason Todd, The Lazarus Pit, The Red Hood - Freeform, You don't have to have read the first one to read this, alternating povs, family love, self hatred, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 21:19:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9516674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfirenighthood/pseuds/starfirenighthood
Summary: Love endures all things, even death, and when the bat family loses Jason, they realize just how true that is.





	1. Bruce's POV

**Author's Note:**

> I knew about half way through Ignorance is Bliss that I wanted to write this, but I never got around to starting it. However, I finally was in the mood to write and I wanted to write this soooo, I did! You can obviously tell I've matured and grown better in my writing (I hope) since then. Anyway, I bring to you the sequel! It will follow the alternating POV's style, and be hella sad. Anyway, enjoy! :)
> 
> Warning: Mentions of Depression, Canonical Character Death, Referenced Violence, and Language. Also this is a slash! M/M. Don't like it? Don't read it.
> 
> Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters aren't mine. :(

I had found him; my youngest son. He had been buried under a pile of rubble, broken and limp in my arms as I cradled his body close. All because I had been too late, too slow to save him; it was all my fault. As I walked away from the collapsed building I stared at him in horror and disbelief. Crying in agony, I had no choice but to bring his body home with me. The worst part was Dick. He wasn't here, wasn't even on Earth, and I didn't have the heart to tell him while he was gone, but then he came back a few days later.

Bounding into the manner, I was horrified to hear him call out for Jason. They had been together for almost two years now, and Jason had just turned eighteen, Dick being twenty. Alfred stepped into my office and gave me the most scared look I'd ever seen on the man as my son ran up the stairs, and I could hear him looking for Jason. It crushed me as the guilt came pouring back in, right now I could lose both of them. I called Dick into my office and sat him down, flinching when he asked where Jason was and I didn't know what to say but the truth.

The look on my eldest son's face when he found out will forever haunt my dreams.

He was hollow, his vibrancy dying as his smile slowly faded. Then his skin turned white, whiter than I thought possible as he grew shaky saying I was kidding and asking again where his boyfriend was. No matter what I said he didn't believe me, or even Alfred, until we showed him the body. By then it had been cleaned up, but I never wanted to show him how I had failed our family. How I had failed him, and Jason.

As I opened the door to where Doctor Thompkins had examined Jason, we stood there in the doorway until Dick caught sight of his body. Immediately, he ran over by Jason's side and grabbed him by the arm and then shoulders, shaking him and screaming. Pleading for him to wake up, to look at him. Except Jason wasn't there anymore. He was gone, forever.

Grabbing Dick around the waist, I pulled him up and away as he kicked and screamed, wailing and crying out for Jason as tears began staining his face and shirt. Alfred stood silently, crying in the corner and unsure how to help before I wrestled Dick out of the room and Alfred tried to help me get him away from there. He could see Jason later if he wanted, but not until he had calmed down.

We didn't make it very far before he collapsed into a heap on the floor, sobbing so brokenly that tears of my own were now falling. Without a word I sat down next to him and grabbed him, holding him close as he cried into my chest. Alfred watched for a few moments before excusing himself, and I didn't blame him. These were the most heartbreaking sounds I had ever heard and they were from my son, being in so much pain that I had caused.

_I will never forgive myself._

It took a long time before Dick had calmed, and Alfred gave us tea, until he wanted to go see Jason alone. I nodded and let him, understanding what he was going through, except I could never begin to express those feelings like he did. As I sat alone in my office, doors closed, I cried. I cried for my sons who had been torn apart, and I cried for having lost someone once more as my head spun and I felt sick to my stomach with the overwhelming sense of guilt.

Slowly, the news spread throughout the superhero community, and many friends came to the Manor to give their condolences. Most of them didn't know about the extent of Dick and Jason's relationship, but the ones that did took extra time to visit with him. We held the funeral a little over a week after Dick had returned home. It was a dark, gloomy November day that's typical of Gotham. Clark, Diana, Dick, and I carried Jason's casket as Hal spoke the eulogy for us.

Quietly, I stood there, holding an umbrella over my head that I shared with Alfred. Our eyes were downcast, but every now and then I'd glance up to take in everyone's faces, especially Dick's. I was extremely worried about him. He was staring at the coffin, eyes cloudy and filled with tears. Barbara and Koriand'r stood at either side of him, clutching his hands and crying themselves as the rest of the Titans hovered near by.

When the service was over we each placed a flower on the casket, and everyone watched in silence as my now only son placed the last red rose on top before it was lowered, and then buried in the ground by myself, Dick, Barbara, and Alfred. When it was done, I ushered everyone to leave as Dick lingered behind like I knew he would. We were all inside by the time I saw him fall to his knees, and I knew he needed it so I let him be.

That night after everyone had left and Dick was in his room, I left as well; dressed as Batman and on a mission. It merely took me three days to find him, and when I did I didn't hold back. The Joker simply laughed as I let myself go. I let all of my anger and crippling anguish release through my fists as I beat him into a bloody pulp. Imagining how Dick and Alfred would feel however held me back from finishing him though, and I promptly dropped him off at Arkham before returning home, not noticing I was crying until I took off the suit. I climbed into the shower and sat on the floor, sobbing as the water washed over me.

Guilt and self hatred left me incapable to do much for a while. It wasn't until a few days later that I found out the Joker was in a full body cast, and Alfred helped me to get over what I had done. That month was the worst month of my life. I never saw my son, considering he was locked up in his room suffering from an incapacitating depression. The guilt intensified with every passing day and I couldn't bring myself to face him.

Eventually, I came to accept the fact that my second adopted son was gone and that I couldn't bring him back. Eventually, as time ticked on and the seasons changed Dick did too. Alfred hurried me to a window one day and we both watched on in silence as Dick knelt in the grass, placing flowers on Jason's grave and began talking to him. Tears of relief wet both of our faces, knowing right then that we hadn't lost both of them, and that somehow our family would survive this.

Then a few days later he told me he wanted to leave Gotham, and I knew the reason, so I accepted it. He needed a change, needed to leave the place where everything hurt because everything had a memory with Jason. I began making arrangements for him to move to Blüdhaven which was only an hour away, and we had both agreed upon it. Of course he wanted to escape, but I couldn't let him go too far.

I couldn't lose another son.

As spring brought new life to the world, it brought back health to Dick and I. Even when he moved away, I could tell he was doing better. Although, now I'm not so sure whether it was actually true or whether he simply bottled everything up. Either way, I had begun to move on until another young boy was once again brought to my attention; Tim Drake.

He approached Batman one night, claiming he knew Nightwing and I's secret identities. When he was in fact correct, I asked Dick to come back and we talked about him. Tim wanted to be the new Robin, and although I had reservations, I knew that I needed one and that I missed the companionship. Of course Dick was hesitant, which was to be expected, and I knew how he felt about the Robin persona and costume.

While he was there at the Manor he continuously slept in Jason's bedroom, and it tugged at my heart painfully. Silently, I made a present for my son to hopefully ease his troubled mind and make him happy. I had both his and Jason's Robin costumes sealed in a glass case, side by side. When I showed him what Lucius and I had built he burst into tears and hugged me. Silently I patted his back, unable to stop tears of my own as he thanked me.

Shortly after that we agreed to let Tim be the new Robin. I trained him for a few months before I deemed him ready enough to take up the mantle. Although hesitant, Dick would come to patrol with the new Robin and train him sometimes as well since he had an incredible athleticism that even I didn't posses. A few times Tim asked me about the second Robin, and I tried to answer as vaguely as I could, uncomfortable from his questioning.

I saw my oldest son slowly bond to his new adoptive brother, and I couldn't have been happier. Even if in the back of my mind I felt like I was replacing the son I had already lost, but I never told anyone that. Tim was an excellent Robin. Incredibly smart and well adapted, we made an excellent team, and family. One night Dick and Tim went to patrol, and when they returned Tim pulled me aside and asked if what Dick had told him about Jason was true. Did they date? Did he die by the Joker? I assured him it was all true, and later I thanked my oldest for accepting his new brother.

At that life moved on and we all grew to be content with our lives, even if we still missed Jason, and then a whole year had passed by.

Then The Red Hood showed up. I don't know who he is or where he came from, but all I know is he is persistent on trying to kill Tim and I. Also, I can only assume he designed his costume to mimic the Joker before he turned into the clown prince of crime. Then suddenly, just as strangely as he appeared, he was gone. For a few days there was nothing, and then he was in Dick's city.

We all tried to put the clues together and combed over every scrap of evidence we could, but nothing turned up. Dick told me how differently the villain acted around him and although it was strange, I had no answers. While he had attempted to kill me, he almost seemed hesitant to harm Nightwing. Then one night Dick vanished, without a trace. Frantic, Tim and I went to Blüdhaven to search for him but all I found was an empty warehouse with a pool of old blood.

I began to search for him everywhere I could, desperately needing to find my son.

 


	2. Dick's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I told you all I was in love with this and that I'd write more soon! Literally the fastest update I've ever done, lol. I had to make myself wait before posting this which wasn't easy to do. Any who, please don't hate me for the sadness, I'm sorry. Otherwise, enjoy! :)
> 
> Warning: Mentions of Depression, Canonical Character Death, Referenced Violence, and Language. Also this is a slash! M/M. Don't like it? Don't read it.
> 
> Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters aren't mine. :(

Dark, depressing sky stretched on for miles as rain pelted the ground. I stood there, feeling unattached to the sounds of grief all around me and all of the black clothing, so much black. The only thing I was truly aware of was the fact that Barbara and Kori were squeezing my hands, trying to help me stay grounded. I assume the service was lovely, but I wouldn't know, I didn't hear a single word.

Standing there with an umbrella being held over my head, I stared at the coffin blankly until it was my turn to place a rose on top. Every step forward felt like another part of me died as I placed the red blossom with the rest before walking back, not even aware that everyone was watching me. He was lowered into the ground, and my family and I buried him. Then just like that I was alone in the rain as everyone else moved away to go inside, to escape the weather or to let me be alone I couldn't say. I had an umbrella but I let it drop to the ground as the rain slid along my skin. It was cold, and a chilling breeze picked up and whipped across the yard, slicing through me. Except I didn't shiver, didn't move.

I couldn't breathe; I had just died on the inside.

Unbidden sobs wracked my body, and I fell to my knees in the wet grass as mud splatted my clothes. I didn't care, I couldn't, too focused on how much it hurt and how I couldn't breathe as I started hyperventilating. This is what it felt like when your heart shattered. I placed a hand on the cool tombstone, pleading, begging for him to come back. That I would do anything, just let Jason come back and sweep me off my feet. Except he never did.

He never came home.

I'm not sure how long I sat there in the frigid rain, soaked to the bone and wailing until I physically couldn't anymore. All I know is at some point Alfred came and draped a coat over my ruined suit before escorting me back indoors with an arm wrapped around my shoulders and an umbrella over our heads. Everyone watched me closely as I was lead up into my room, hurried out of my clothes, and ushered into a warm bath. That day I got no sleep and didn't eat a single thing.

The week before the funeral I had been in shock, coming home only to find the person I loved most was once again gone. I didn't believe Bruce or Alfred until I was shown his body, and it all happened so fast I hardly remember being dragged out except for the fact Bruce held me and let me cry. I've never seen my father cry, except for that day. If I wasn't hurting so badly I would try to be the strong one for us but I couldnt, I was too broken.

November seemed to stretch on forever. The depressing weather mimicked my mood. Alfred brought me food every day, but I hardly ate anything. As for Bruce? Well, he let me be for the time being. I suppose he had lost loves himself and he knew how it felt, and after all, he had also lost his son.

Jason and I had been together for two years. Every morning he was the first thing on my mind and at night the last. I loved him more than I thought I could. Even if I was still with the Titans we spent the majority of our time together. Most nights I fell asleep with him protectively wrapped around me, and now I couldn't sleep without his warm presence.

Every day I sat at my windowsill, looking out into the yard where Jason was buried. Every day I sat there, crying and sobbing until I had no tears left to give. At noon Alfred would come, make me shower, make me eat a few bites of food, and he'd be gone. I'd again go sit by the window, waiting for Jason to come back to me, unable to accept the fact that he couldn't.

It wasn't until all the snow of winter had melted and spring began sneaking up on Gotham City that I finally accepted the fact that Jason was gone. I didn't want to live without him, but I knew he'd want me to and that I couldn't leave Bruce or Alfred. I had to be strong, and I had to live again. If not for me, then for Jason and the rest of my family.

The sun had decided to peak out through some clouds as I walked down to his grave, flowers in hand and my first time out of the house in months. Kneeling down in the grass like I had done before, I placed the bouquet on the grave and pressed my hand to the stone that was engraved with _'Jason Todd, beloved son and partner, the bravest soldier'_ and I sobbed. I willed him to understand that I had to go. I couldn't stay here in Gotham anymore where everything reminded me of him, I had to leave.

Nightwing needed a city to save, to save himself.

For hours I sat there in the grass, nature coming to life all around me as the temperature warmed the grass I sat on. I told Jason how much I missed him, and how I'd never find anyone else ever again as wonderful as he was. I told him how much I loved him, and how I felt so guilty knowing I should have been here. Knowing that I should have listened, the many times he had asked me to stay instead of going with the Teen Titans and leaving him for months at a time. Most importantly, I told him that I had to forgive myself and accept the fact that he was now gone.

That day is when I began to heal.

In a mere month I moved to Blüdhaven, Gotham's sister city that was in a desperate need of a hero, and I was in a desperate need of a change. Bruce watched me closely those first few months I had moved away, but I began to feel better and I finally put on my Nightwing costume once more. Maybe I was too reckless sometimes but that came with the territory.

Everything seemed to be going fine as Dick Grayson the police officer and as Nigtwing, until Tim Drake showed up. He knew our secret identities, and we weren't sure what to do. That is until he asked to be Robin, and fear and guilt rose high in the back of my throat. I had all but tried to block Jason from my thoughts, and I now realized how big of a mistake that had been. I couldn't forget Jason, and I shouldn't want to.

I was at the Manor, discussing our Tim Drake problem and as I went to walk towards my room to sleep I stopped short. Jason's room was just down another hall, and with that my feet began moving towards it before I had fully made up my mind. Gently, I opened the door and the wave of nostalgia choked my throat as tears silently slid down my cheek.

Jason's room looked almost, untouched. Despite it being cleaner than it usually would be, all of his things were still where they had always been. Alfred hadn't moved a thing, probably knowing I'd need it, or maybe he needed it too. With that I crawled under the covers, they still smelt like him and I laid there all night until I eventually cried myself to sleep. During my visit I brought Jason flowers every day, and I promised him to bring him flowers at least once a month and to 'talk' to him.

Eventually, Bruce and I decided that he needed a Robin, even if I couldn't give it up so easily. The only people who had worn the costume were Jason and I, and it felt sacred in a weird way. Except as a surprise, Bruce had our Robin uniforms placed in a glass display case right next to each other. I cried and hugged my father, thanking him and he patted my back, trying to fight back tears of his own. It seemed I cried almost every day.

All in all though Tim made an excellent Robin, and after a few months of training and patrolling together we became like brothers even if I tried not to get too close. I didn't want anyone to think I was replacing Jason. One evening on a Gotham rooftop, when it was just him and I, he looked over at me as our legs dangled over the edge and asked "What happened to the last Robin, Jason Todd? Bruce and Alfred won't tell me."

At that question I expected to sob, to be inconsolable because no one had asked me before. Instead, though, I found myself calm with a smile of remembrance on my lips. It had been almost a year since Jason had died, and I finally felt okay. There were still times where I would cry over something because of him or times when I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, but I felt better than I had in a long time.

"He died, by the Joker" I answered simply, not wanting to give too many details at the sting of tears behind my eyes and the lump in my throat. If Bruce hadn't already put a full body cast on the clown then I would've killed him.

Tim seemed to regard me thoughtfully for a moment, then remarked quietly "You loved him."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. I couldn't help but smile, Tim was very observant and smart. "Yes, still do" I nodded with a sigh.

"And you miss him?"

"I do, everyday" I replied, unable to meet my new younger brother's eyes. Tim placed a hand to my shoulder and smiled at me as I was forced to look over at him, and I smiled back.

He ran a hand through his dark hair and I could never get over the fact that he looked like me. "I'm sorry, but I'm sure he'd be proud of you."

At those words tears escaped and I huffed a laugh at myself, replying with "I hope so." I wiped away my tears and after that we sat in a comfortable silence, looking up at the night sky. It was then I realized that being friends with Tim, my new brother, wasn't something to avoid or be ashamed of. It didn't mean I missed Jason any less or that I was replacing him, so, I finally let go.

And we became good friends.

It was no where near to the extent that Jason and I had, but it was pleasant and gave me company and a partner when I needed one. Not to mention ever since Jason's funeral the Titans split up and Barbara went away to college. I didn't have many of the same people close to me anymore, so Tim kept me sane.

Life went on that way, and I moved right along with it. Sometimes I felt as if I couldn't go on and somedays I didn't even know why I had felt that way. I lived and breathed, despite the hole in my heart where Jason had been. When I had gone on for a year without him I wept and stayed holed away from everyone. Except Alfred came and did the same thing he had done for me during those months after I had lost the man I loved. Tim, Kori, and even Babara stopped by as well to help me along.

Eventually, the feeling passed and I was fine again, moving along, until _he_ showed up. The Red Hood. I'm not sure who he is or where he came from, I just know he's in my city. At first he had been in Gotham, tormenting Bruce and Tim, until it had been my turn. Except, he didn't torment me in the same way. He rarely spoke, but mainly he left me to clean up his bloody crime scenes.

We fought on occasion, and sometimes he even helped me when I was in a pinch. It was extremely confusing. Bruce, Tim, and I all poured over every clip and lead we had of the red helmeted anti hero but we found nothing. I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I knew him, but I couldn't figure out why. Despite to say some insults or weird pet names we never spoke, so I didn't know how I could know him.

Then, only a few months after he had shown up, I found myself bleeding out on a cold, factory floor. I had been too ambitious and tried to fight off too many thugs with too many guns. Somehow I had managed to take them all out before collapsing on the floor, exhausted and wounded. I had been shot in the leg, shoulder, and chest as well as stabbed a few different places. There I laid, believing I was going to die.

A part of me welcomed it, while the other urged me to get up and fight and _move!_ Except I didn't, I just laid there staring up at the bright fluorescents and wondered what Jason had thought of before he had died, laying there on the floor like I now was. Did he hate me, knowing I wouldn't save him? Or did he feel saddened, knowing I would never be able to forget him? Did he still love me in those last moments? I don't know, I just know as my world faded to black that I did still love him.

"I'm sorry, Jason" I whispered into the still, musty air as tears slid down my face, "I love you."

Then just as I started to feel extremely tired and sleepy by some miracle I saw a flash of red and I was being lifted up and off the floor. I heard cursing and my name a few times, but that was all I registered as I was cradled close in a pair of strong arms as the wind ruffled my hair. Sighing, I felt my eyes begin to get heavy, and I briefly registered being carried into some sort of building before my whole world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be fair I told you all that it was going to get sadder. :( I'm soooorry for the sad but it'll get better I promise, maybe... Anyway, what did you all think of that? Personally I really really love this. Sorry for the cliffhanger but I'm pretty sure you all know who it is. :3 So let me know what you thought! I feel so bad for Dick, my poor son. If you enjoyed this don't forget to subscribe, leave kudos, comment or all 3! Please and thank you. ;)


	3. Alfred's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't stop writing this. I don't think I've ever written so much in such a small time in my life, it's kinda great. Eventually I'll crash, but until then, I hope you like my depressing story. Enjoy! ;)
> 
> Warning: Mentions of Depression, Canonical Character Death, Referenced Violence, and Language. Also this is a slash! M/M. Don't like it? Don't read it.
> 
> Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters aren't mine. :(

When Bruce came home, dressed in his all black costume covered in dirt and blood I panicked. Then I saw what, _who_ , he was carrying, and I froze. The look on my Master's face told me all I needed to know as I watched him place Jason gently on the medical examination table we kept in the bat cave. Slowly, I approached him as he stood there, looking down at the broken and bruised body of his son.

Tears filled my eyes at the sight of such a young man drained of his life, and I knew with the loss of one we could just as easily lose the other. Dick would be heart broken. Placing a hand on Bruce's shoulder, I barley managed to swallow over the lump in my throat at his expression. Ever so gently I lead him away from the table, even if he didn't want to leave.

"Master Bruce, go shower and change, I shall contact Dr. Thompkins" I urged, and he just meagerly walked off towards the showers without a sound.

With a heavy heart I called up Leslie Thompkins who handled all the medical things I could not. I told her about the situation, and she promised to come over as soon as traffic would permit. Thanking her I hung up, before again walking over to my lifeless young master. I examined the damage with my eyes, sobbing silently as I took in his caved in chest and fractured skull.

How could this have happened to him? Master Jason was so young with so much life left to be lived. I would have traded my own life for his a thousand times over, but alas, I could not. No matter how I wished to.

Later I would come to find out what had exactly happened, but in that moment as I looked at one of the young men I loved as one of my own family, it didn't matter. I cried for the despair I felt in my heart, for the father who had just lost his youngest son, and for the young man who had just lost the love of his life. Immediately, I wanted to tell Dick, but he was on another planet and I knew it was not the time. The funeral and heart break would have to wait.

I couldn't stand to watch my masters, my family, so broken and crumbling apart at the seams. Dick had come home his usual happy self, only for us to watch as his soul died in front of our eyes. Simply put, I could not stand to see him this way. Constantly I had to excuse myself, unable to bear the raw emotional trauma as he sobbed. Bruce held him as I made them tea, the only thing I could think to do.

The funeral was on a dreary November day, but it was a pleasant service. I stood there and watched as yet another member of the family I loved so dearly was lowered into the ground. It broke my heart, especially when we had to leave Dick behind. Bruce and I both knew he needed it, so I let him be. For an hour he sat there in the rain releasing all his broken anguish into the downpour.

Eventually I grabbed an umbrella and one of Master Dick's overcoats. I draped it across his shoulders before helping him to stand, putting the umbrella over our heads as I led him inside. He was shivering and still crying, but he didn't seem to notice. Right away I knew he needed a warm bath to heat up and I hoped that he wouldn't get sick. He wouldn't have the strength to fight off anything worse than a cold right then.

Once I had managed to get him to sit in the warm tub for half an hour I helped him back into his bed. I did not care that he was twenty years old, he was still my family and someone I needed to care for. At that moment I pushed all of my own grief down, wanting nothing more than to focus on the needs of my family.

Although, it always seemed that the harder I tried, the further they both fell into grief. Bruce went down the route of anger, guilt, and self loathing. He rarely talked or came out of the Bat cave. Burying himself in his work, whether it was superhero related or not, it seemed as if he was avoiding Dick. I could tell the guilt over Jason was eating him alive. Not to mention that he had nearly killed the Joker, beating the man almost to death. I tried to console him and give comfort, but nothing worked.

Dick, however, was much worse. He simply sat at his window all day, hollow and a shell of the bright and bubbly young man he once was. Every day at noon I would go in and make him bathe, change his clothes, and eat before I left him alone once more. All day he stared at Jason's grave and it broke my heart little by little every day to see him in this condition. I would say he lost ten or so pounds in the first month alone.

The Manor itself was eerily quiet as I kept up my daily routine that I've always had. I dusted, cleaned, cooked, and I gardened in the greenhouse and yet, it didn't bring me any comfort. Things were not normal, and I don't think they ever will be again. Jason brought life to this old house when no one else did, and now he's gone. I missed him greatly.

I was the only one who would go in his room during those winter months. As snow dusted the outside world I stood there, wondering what to do with my surroundings. Clothes were scattered all across the floor along with some wrappers from different junk foods. The covers were barely on the bed, most of them resting on the ground.

As I looked around, that was when I noticed that his computer was still on. Confused, I walked over and moved the mouse to get the screen to come back to life. Looking over the webpage, I gasped at what I found. Placing a hand over my wide mouth, I scrolled through the two tabs he had open in his internet browser. _'Wedding Bands'_ and _'Marriage laws in New Jersey'_ were the two tabs. Jason had been doing his research on marrying Dick. _He had wanted to marry Dick._ Before I could stop them tears escaped my eyes and I quickly went and shut the door behind me, only to lean back against it as I allowed myself to cry.

Up until that point I had been so strong.

Only crying when Bruce or Dick had an intense moment of grief that got to me. The other two were too absorbed in their own pain that they couldn't see mine, and I guessed I was so absorbed in caring for them I forgot my own pain as well. I did not blame them then, and I still don't. I know they didn't mean to. After all, I have always tried hard to remain proper and keep my composure. Except then I let it go, and I allowed myself to grieve and consider what had been taken away.

Really, I had lost my grandson.

It took some time, but after I had calmed, I quickly decided to close the web browsers and delete the search history. I wouldn't at any cost mention what I had found to Bruce, and especially not to Dick. I was afraid him finding that out would push him over the edge and I couldn't lose him as well. That day I busied myself with cleaning up Jason's room, but I couldn't bring myself to throw anything away so I merely tidied everything up and kept it the same. Mainly as a reminder of what used to be, but I knew everyone else would need it, including myself.

When the snow falling traded places for the rain showers of spring, I gradually began to see a slight increase in my Maters' health. Dick, who had lost roughly thirty pounds, had began to gain some weight back and Bruce began to calm down some. One day as I walked towards Dick's room at noon like I had every day prior for months, I was shocked to find it empty. He never moved except to use the restroom, and even at that he never left his room. Panicking, I frantically began searching the Manor for him before I stumbled upon him in the greenhouse.

Curious.

Watching from a distance, I didn't want to get to close and interrupt whatever he was doing. I knew it was important. Carefully he moved along, plucking different blossoms and putting them together in a beautiful bouquet. When he was done I hurried off as he walked outside of the greenhouse and towards the direction of the cemetery. I found Bruce in his study and grabbed him, dragging him along to a window.

Together we both watched as he crossed the lawn and entered the gated off section. He knelt in front of Jason's tombstone and placed the flowers near the base of it. Both of us were crying, watching Dick as he talked to Jason. We both knew that our fears had not been realized, we would get to keep Dick.

Springtime brought new life and new change as Dick decided he wanted to leave Gotham. At first I was surprised, but quickly understood and it seemed as if Bruce did too. I helped to make the arrangements and settle him into his new apartment an hour away in Blüdhaven.

After that it seemed as if life had taken a turn for the better. I saw Bruce much more often, and dare I say it, but sometimes he almost looked, peaceful. Dick himself gained his weight back and though there were too many close calls for my liking for Nightwing, I was proud of him for being able to go on. He became a cop and a vigilante at the same time, and I was incredibly impressed.

I myself had started to feel much better. Whenever I had moments of grief I would go sit in Jason's room for a few minutes, and it gave me the strength to continue on with my day. Both Bruce and Dick thanked me for being so strong for them, and that alone made any doubts I had about my own health disappear. For the first time in a long time, we were all okay.

Then a new young man entered our small family. Tim Drake was quiet, but very observant. He had single handedly figured out my Masters' identities, and that was very impressive for a thirteen year old boy. This dilemma brought Dick back to the Manor since he had moved away and the first step he took through the front door I could tell he was very uncomfortable.

This place holds so many memories, some good and some bad, and I think Master Dick had forgotten some of them, or tried to at least. With a smile I greeted him and he hugged me, before going off to find Bruce. I stood there for a moment watching after him before going to cook dinner. After all those months it was still so strange to see him functioning normally, but it was a very good strange.

Of course Bruce mentioned to me Dick's reservations about allowing Tim to be the new Robin, and I understood why he felt that way. One night I went to talk to the young man, only to find his room empty. Curiously, I looked for him, only to find Bruce peering into Jason's bedroom. He avoided that room like the plague, so I was taken aback by the scene. Walking over, I looked in as well. I sighed as I saw Dick curled up under the covers, clutching one of Jason's pillows and in a fitful sleep.

"Do you think he'll ever move on?" Bruce suddenly asked, quietly.

Taking a moment to absorb the scene in front of me, I sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "No" I answered honestly, shaking my head and offering him a small smile.

Bruce just nodded, watching his son before giving me a small embrace and walking away. With another sigh I closed the bedroom door and walked away as well towards my own room, ready for some rest. I never did get to have my talk with my young master, but it seems as if it wasn't needed, since Tim joined us.

I prepared a room for him and helped Lucius with the new Robin costume design. Tim liked to work on computers and I helped him with any knowledge I could, impressed with his intellect. Expectantly, he was still in school so I would drive him in the mornings and pick him up afterwards. I quickly got to know my new young master and I grew fond of him.

On numerous occasions he asked me about Jason, but I chose not to answer. I assumed it must have been hard for him, coming into a new life after the death of a young man who Tim now had to fill the shoes of. It was hard for Jason when he was younger coming after Dick, and I assumed it was even harder for Tim. I could tell Bruce and Dick were keeping him at a distance as well, but I knew not to interfere.

It was something they would have to figure out on their own.

Bruce accepted Tim more readily than Dick did, but eventually he did come around. I will never forget the smile on Tim's face the next morning as I took him to school, telling me all about his and Dick's patrol together. He asked me a lot about how Jason was and how Dick and Jason had been together. I chose to answer him this time, knowing that the others had fully accepted Tim into their lives.

Months moved by and before I knew it a whole year had passed since Jason had been gone. Of course I went to take care of Dick during that day without him asking, knowing that he'd need it. Bruce was saddened, but he buried himself in his work and I made sure that he slept and ate and took breaks. Tim visited Dick as well and that made me smile, knowing everyone would be just fine.

Then something happened, a new villain appeared in Gotham City. Hell bent on destroying my Master's, my family. He hurt Bruce and Tim on multiple occasions as I stitched them up and nursed their bruised bones. After a close call, Tim was banned from patrolling until something could be done about this Red Hood. Strangely enough, after only a few weeks he disappeared, only to reappear in Blüdhaven.

Dick visited the Manor, and Bruce and Tim visited Dick as they tried to solve the mystery behind the red helmet, but they had no such luck. Bruce was constantly on edge and frustrated, not being able to figure out who it was as I tried to help in anyway I could. Then one night, Dick failed to check in. There was a system in place to where he always checked in after every patrol with a text or a phone call, but one night there was absolutely nothing.

All three of us panicked, not knowing where he had gone. Bruce took Tim to go look for clues, and when he told me the only thing he found was an old pool of blood I felt sick to my stomach. I ran the DNA test on it and confirmed that it was Dick's, and it appeared to be around two or three days old. I didn't know where he was, but I knew time was of the essence.

We had to find him fast before we lost another member of the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Alfred's is a lot sadder than I thought, oops. Honestly, I'm not trying to torture everyone but this fic is just so depressing. I'm soooo sorry about that but it's pretty great though, and don't forget I'm also torturing myself. Also, yes, I'm sorry if you hate me but I wrote in the part about Jason's computer on impulse and it made me really sad so of course I left it in. Who else loves torture?! Also I put New Jersey because it's pretty much decided/canon that Gotham is somewhere in New Jersey and that's always where I picture it so... Yeah, prepare yourselves cuz the next chapter is when shit gets real. As always if you liked this don't forget to subscribe, leave kudos, comment, or all 3! Please and thank you! ;)


	4. Jason's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a break over the weekend and now I'm back! I've been so excited to write this chapter, so I hope you like it. Also I changed this story from Explicit to Mature because I felt like it didn't need the E rating. Enjoy! :)
> 
> Warning: Blood, Mentions of Depression, Canonical Character Death, Referenced Violence, and Language. Also this is a slash! M/M. Don't like it? Don't read it.
> 
> Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters aren't mine. :(

The concrete floor beneath me was cold and hard against my body as I laid there in a pool of my own blood, wheezing and trying to summon the strength to move. Somehow, I had made it to the door, crawling along the floor inch by inch. Except, it was padlocked closed and in my state I couldn't have done anything about it. One of my eyes was swollen shut, my skull was fractured, and my ribs were broken in multiple places. Without energy or a way to escape I sunk back against the floor, laying there as I watched the timer on the bomb in the middle of the room tick down.

I knew I was going to die.

A sudden sense of calm washed over my frantic mind as images of my life danced across my memory. I reminisced over the good and the bad. All the things I wish I had said and the things I had wanted to do sitting like a heavy weight in my chest. Tears leaked free from my eyes as I thought of my family, as I thought about _Dick_. I loved him, so much it hurt and now I would cause him so much unbearable pain. Maybe I didn't fully believe in a God but right then I prayed that Dick would be okay, that somehow he would survive without me because the world couldn't lose Dick Grayson. He was too special and too purely good.

"I love you, Dick" I whispered into the still air as I watched the timer hit one.

I closed my eyes, breathed in, and then everything went black with an ear piecing sound...

...

...

...

...Suddenly, my eyes snapped open as I took in a sea of green assaulting my senses. I gasped for air, only for the green sludge to fill my lungs as it burnt me alive from the inside out. My instincts made me claw and thrash for the surface of the pool as I spluttered and gulped for air. Mind racing with voices, memories, and the unbearable pain I stumbled my way out of the Lazarus Pit and made a break for it, trying to run away from my own self.

I woke up a few days later in an abandoned building in a small town. Memories and my past self warring with the effects from the pit in my mind had left me incapacitated for days. Once the pain had subsided and I gained a clearer head I was desperate for food, water, and warmer clothes. After I had gotten all of those things I kept walking until I reached the next town, and then the next, and then the next.

I didn't know where I was going, but there was this pull I felt in my chest to just keep moving.

Except food and water became scarcer the longer I walked as he villages became further apart. Near death I collapsed on the path to yet the next village, only for Thalia Al Ghul to find me. She took me to a doctor and in a few days I was fully hydrated and nourished. Still, my mind was a swirl of anger, hatred, and fear. I knew who I was, but I only remembered bits and pieces of my old life. Not to mention this lead weight in my gut that was fixated on death. Everyone I saw I wanted to watch die by own hands.

I suppressed the urge for bloodshed as the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul filled my head with lies; that I fell for.

Sitting in the hospital bed, she told me I had been gone for almost a year. She told me who I used to be and what had happened to me. She told me I had been replaced, she told me the Joker still lived, and most importantly, she told me that I wasn't even missed. Those lies destroyed whatever was left of my sanity which wasn't very much. I had been dangling by a string to the boy I used to be, but Thalia came along with scissors and fucking severed that tie.

I became a monster.

Slowly I gained my level head back. I remembered my training and all of the ways to cause pain. Which is how one night I had figured out she planned to take me back to her father, for what I'm not exactly sure, but I wanted no part of it. I escaped out the window and never looked back as I ran and ran. Perhaps they knew where I was or maybe they didn't, either way they never found me again as I made my way through the open wilderness.

Hatred and revenge boiled in my veins as I exchanged work for a ride back to America, and by work I mean a bounty. Once I was smuggled into the USA I has to fulfill my contract to kill some business man, and so I did. The lust for blood in my mind thrived in the high afterwards as the boy I used to be cried out in agony. Except I didn't care, all I had on my mind was making the Joker pay for what he had done.

Quickly, I picked up a new identity. I was no longer a Robin, I had gone through the darkest depths of human existence and now I was forever tainted. Deciding on The Red Hood as an ironic reference to my murderer, I began making a name for myself in the criminal underworld. More jobs and money were offered to me with each passing week, until I finally accepted one in Gotham City.

I had gone insane, no rationale was left in me as I stepped foot in The Batman's city. That's all he had been to me, just a superhero who needed a reality check. He wasn't Bruce Wayne, my adoptive father who had taken me in and cared for me. Those memories and emotions had died with me in that explosion.

The job I had taken had been an easy one, and I finished it in a single night. After that I took a break from contracted killing and made a job for myself; killing the Joker. Of course I tried to avoid Bruce in any way I could, and at first it worked. I set about on my mission as I made a safehouse for myself.

One night I grabbed the Joker from his own place of operations after I had hunted him down, and I beat him. His lip was busted and I had broken a few of his bones including his nose as blood dripped to the ground, and all he did was laugh and joke. It was then I realized that the Joker wasn't the reason I had died; it was Bruce. Bruce didn't kill the sick, twisted bastard when he had the chance. Bruce chose to let him live, to allow him to kill more, _to kill me,_ and still there he was cackling and grinning at me with that red smile.

Then suddenly Batman and the new Robin were there before I had a chance to put a bullet through the clown's head.

With a newfound determination, I went after the new dynamic duo with an unbridled passion. I hunted them down while trying to keep my identity a secret, and it worked. I could tell Bruce was stumped about my identity and it brought me a sick, twisted satisfaction. My mind still wasn't right then. Everything I did and saw was twisted around and I acted like a wild animal backed into a corner. I snarled and bit and attacked to hide how frail I really was on the inside.

The only things I truly knew were what Talia had told me, and most of them had been lies. I only remembered the bad things. How I had never felt good enough for Bruce. How shitty of a father he had been to me at times erased all the good times and I couldn't escape those negative emotions. So, instead of trying to forget them, I chased after them. I wanted to kill Bruce.

When I had failed at that too many times, I switched tactics by going after Robin instead.

I remember when I had tried to kill Tim for the first and only time. That boy represented everything that I had lost. For some reason it never occurred to me that Bruce had been upset over my death; Thalia had done her damage. I wanted to make him suffer because pain was the one thing I couldn't forget, and the way I thought of was by taking away the new child he had picked up.

They had both fallen right into my trap in an abandoned building. I sprang out in surprise and quickly got the upper hand. I took aim and shot the kid in the shoulder before Bruce took him and got out of there. Then I had felt satisfied, but now all I feel is guilt. He didn't die, however, I later found out and even though I hated my replacement for the fact that he _was_ my replacement, I decided not to kill him.

After all, it wasn't his fault that Bruce had done this to me I soon realized and I shouldn't punish him.

My mind started to get clearer and from then on out I made it a point to only kill those who deserved it, those who shouldn't be allowed to live. Rapists, pedophiles, serial killers, and the like I didn't hesitate to shoot. What was the point of allowing them to go though a corrupt justice system that wouldn't do shit? Bruce could never see that, but I could. Even though I decided against killing Bruce, I still wanted revenge.

I had been planning my next big attack on the Bat since I had decided on my own killing policy when I heard some goons talking about the next city over, a city called Blüdhaven, in a shitty bar. I listened to them and then he came up, Nightwing. It was Nightwing, _Dick's_ , city. The memories suddenly burst through me like a dam that had been opened.

It was too much too quickly.

Rushing back to my safehouse, I barley closed the door behind me before collapsing to the ground as memories and fleeting emotions assaulted me as they were freed from their surpressed location in my brain. I had remembered very little about him up until that moment. For hours I laid there on the carpeted floor as my head pounded and pulsed, trying to sort through all of this new information that had filled up my mind.

Dick and I had been, romantically involved.

I suddenly remembered a big chunk of my life that had been missing; Richard John Grayson. I remembered the ignorance of my youth, I remembered my crush, I remembered that night at dinner, I remembered loving him for years, and I remembered dying with all of those burning bright in my chest. For the first time since my death I cried. Lying on the floor, I cried at all of the pain that had swept over my body and all of the memories I had of this seemingly wonderful man.

Then, the hate bubbled up to the surface. The Lazarus Pit twisted those memories into repulsion that I wanted to avoid. I hated Dick, and I hated how I still felt about him. I hated how there was this want to find him, this need to see him, and this sudden concern I had for him. Yet, I couldn't keep away from him. The very next day I packed up and disappeared from Gotham, and found a new safe house in Blüdhaven.

Establishing my presence there was harder than I had anticipated, but soon enough I gained a reputation that Nightwing couldn't ignore. I went a full two weeks without seeing him, and then suddenly he was just there. It had been a simple job, a clean and easy bust up of some scum bags selling drugs to children. The plan in my mind was simple, except it didn't account for the black and blue clad vigilante to make an appearance.

Even though a part of me had wanted to see him, I hadn't been prepared to.

I was about to shoot one of the guy's through the skull when something akin to a batarang hit the gun out of my hand. For a moment I just stood there looking at my gun, shocked, until I heard feet hitting the floor behind me and I reared around to see Nightwing standing there watching me. Too many emotions swirled beneath my skin as he took in the scene before him, before sighing and shaking his head at me like a disappointed mother.

"Hi, I'm Nightwing as you can probably tell" he said, waving one of his hands at me before looking back over at the criminals, "but, um, I know you're new around here and everything but did no one ever tell you it's not nice to shoot people?"

It was an obvious attempt at banter to probably distract me from whatever he was planning, and it worked because I fell for it. Damn Dick and his chattiness. "Maybe I don't want to be nice."

Dick's head tilted to the side as he considered me, and it triggered a memory of him doing the exact same thing years ago. I still hadn't remembered everything about him, or us. Concerned, he took a step closer to me as I doubled over in pain clutching my helmet in a vain attempt to work through it. "Hey, are you okay?"

The pain was too much. Being so close to this man brought too many memories that hurt too much to sort through as I felt the beginnings of tears in my covered eyes. I decided I needed to get out of there and as far away from him as possible. With that I simply through a smoke bomb on the floor and said some stupid fucking quip before I ran away as fast as I could.

Somehow, it worked because he didn't follow me.

Over the next few days I stayed holed away in my safehouse trying to sort through even more memories. There were just so many of him. Each one was like a photograph of a place in time that I could just barely remember, and it was always just a little bit out of my grasp to comeprehend. I was frustrated and drained mentally as my head ached and pounded.

Eventually, I recovered and went out again, only to continuously run into Nightwing. No matter how I tried to avoid him I ran into him at least twice a week. Most of the time I simply tried to get away. No matter how confused I felt over him there was one thing I knew for sure, I didn't want to hurt Dick. Except, he didn't always leave me the choice.

A few times he sprang after me and I had to fight him off. I tried to pull back but the ever present thirst for death made it hard. Plus, the fact that he was too fucking athletic for his own good. Usually, I ended up pinning him down and tying him in knots I knew he could get out of before leaving. Sometimes, though, he got the upper hand and I ended up tied down as he questioned me.

I could tell in the way he acted, even if I couldn't see his eyes to read his expression, that he was frustrated. He found something about me familiar but couldn't piece together why. Unlike with Bruce, though, it only made something inside me ache. I wanted him to know it was me, and that thought scared the shit out of me. Somehow, I always managed to escape and everytime afterward I locked myself away and tried to desperately put together my thoughts.

It never seemed to work, though.

One time I was forced to work with Nightwing to escape a situation both of us had gotten into together. Afterwards, we didn't fight, he simply thanked me and let me walk away. That night messed up my brain for a long time. I didn't do any jobs for a week, and it was fucking pathetic because I had started to miss him. That is, until a job offer came my way I couldn't refuse. I forced myself to shower and get geared up as I grabbed my guns and plenty of ammunition.

It was around midnight as I set out on a Saturday night. Blüdhaven was usually a quieter, dingy city but on nights like these it bustled and came to life. It was quite fascinating to watch, but I didn't get much of a chance to as I made my way across the rooftops. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hoped to see Dick, even if we wouldn't speak. I was somehow falling for him all over again, even though I blamed it on remnants of old memories and feelings.

The job had been simple enough. I was contracted by a rival gang to destroy another's factory where they produced their weapons. Easy. Except, to my surprise, when I got there all I found were passed out thugs. Immediately, I knew something wasn't right. It was obvious that Dick had done this, only none of the incapacitated criminals were handcuffed or tied down. Their limp bodies were strewn about as I walked through the upper level of the quiet building when my blood ran cold at what I found.

Dick was laying there in the middle of it's warehouse, surrounded by a pool of blood as I faintly heard the words "I'm sorry, Jason, I love you."

Something inside of me came to life and took control as without a single ounce of hesitation I immediately jumped down to him. "God fucking dammit, Dick, you fucking idiot" I mumbled to myself as I knelt down.

I could tell he was half way to unconsciousness, and he had lost a decent amount of blood, but not too much yet. Quickly, I scooped him up and ran for it. The lenses in his mask had broken and for the first time in over a year I saw his eyes. They were gorgeous even with the haze of pain and the cloudiness of drowsiness over them.

As gently as I could I carried him back to my safehouse which thankfully was just a few blocks away. I hurriedly brought him over to the small kitchen table I had as I swept everything on it onto the floor and set him down. He had passed out as soon as I got there as I called his name only for him not to answer as I ripped my helmet and mask off.

"Don't worry, Dick, I promise I won't let you die" I whispered to him as I pressed a kiss to his forehead, not taking the time to think over why that made me feel better or why I had done that in the first place, "You stupid bastard."

Knowing it would be too difficult to take off his costume the proper way, I grabbed my knife. I cut away his Nightwing suit before I carefully inspected the damage he had taken. He needed stitches and to have three bullets dug out of his flesh. Acting quickly I grabbed a few of my t-shirts scattered across the floor and tied one around his right thigh and left arm to help with the bleeding. I ran into my bathroom and grabbed a kit I kept in case of these scenarios for myself.

I grabbed a pair of tweezers and some rubbing alcohol and set to work on removing the bullets. That only took a few minutes as I worked in a frenzied silence, my mind clouding with even more worry as every second passed. If I couldn't stitch him up in time he would lose too much blood, and that was something I couldn't fix in my safe house and we were too far away from any hospitals to make it there, either.

The only chance he had was me.

After I dug out the bullets I had to clean the wounds with the rubbing alcohol, and I was thankful that Dick had passed out as I worked diligently. It hurts like a bitch. Somehow, I managed to stitch up his shoulder, chest, and leg easily and the bullets hadn't hit anything important. The stab wounds weren't very deep either and they were easy enough to fix. Then I had to clean the blood off of my table, which thankfully wasn't too much and then off of his own skin as best as I could.

Once I was done I slumped into a chair next to the table and heaved a sigh of relief, watching the steady rise and fall of Dick's chest with accomplishment and a wary eye. I had just saved his life, and I never once stopped to think why and I never had any doubt about what I was doing. My head started to pound and I groaned, pleading for the memories not to come right then. After a few moments of relief and calming down my own racing heart, I decided that I had just claimed him as my responsibility.

I never stopped to think about what would happen when he'd wake up.

Standing up, I once again scooped Dick up in my arms as tenderly as I could. Unfortunately, I was carrying a very _naked_ Dick Grayson, considering I had to rip _all_ his clothes off. I hadn't thought about it and I tried desperately to continue to not think about it as I laid him down on my bed. Grabbing a pair of my sweatpants and a random t-shirt, I dressed him and tucked him underneath the covers. I grabbed a glass of water and put some pain killers on the crappy nightstand I had for him to take in the morning before I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

With a deep sigh I tore off all my gear and threw it wherever I pleased as I collapsed on the couch with a deep sigh, drifting off into a dreamless sleep before I could think of a plan for the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop. Like I said earlier I changed this story from Explicit to Mature because I felt like it didn't need the E rating. Okay so this isn't as emotional as the other ones I don't think, but it still has some powerful moments. I really love how this came out. It's a bit longer than the others, but it also had more of a story to tell. Again I didn't base this off of one specific thing it's just an amalgamation of a bunch of different things. Poor Jason, he just needs a hug. :( I told you shit would get real, but just wait until the next chapter. *evil laugh* If you liked this don't forget to subscribe, leave kudos, comment, or all 3! Please and thank you ;)


	5. The Way? (Third POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, here it is! I'm so sorry about the long wait for this chapter. My life has been crazy. I recently moved across the country and as I'm writing this right now hurricane Irma is heading my way so yikes. I've rewritten this chapter at least three times, and I'm finally happy with it. I'm sorry for the long wait but here it is! Enjoy. ;)
> 
> Warning: Language, blood, and non graphic sex.
> 
> Disclaimer: Of course these characters aren't mine, sadly.

 

Jason definitely should have thought this through better. He should have thought of Dick waking up in a strange place. He should have thought of Dick exploring his safe house, and he definitely should have accounted for Dick finding him asleep on the couch. Most importantly, he should have just dropped Dick off at Wayne Manor last night instead of claiming him as his responsibility. Then this wouldn't be happening, none of it.

When Jason had woken up this morning, the last thing he had expected to find when he opened his eyes was a disheveled and frantic looking Dick Grayson. He was sitting on the coffee table, curled up in a ball and staring at him like he was seeing a ghost. Really, he kind of was. Jason realized that he didn't have a mask on, or anything to cover his true identity. Dick was looking at Jason Todd, who he probably now knew had been The Red Hood all along.

Well, shit.

The hero had a knife in his hand, one he had stolen from Jason's strewn about gear, loosely clutched in his fingers as he simply stared. At first Jason wasn't sure if Dick was actually still alive, until Jason went to sit up and Dick jumped and pointed the knife at him. "Okay okay, take it easy, Dick, I'm just going to sit up" he said calmly, his voice seeming to just shock the other man more.

Slowly, Jason sat up on the couch until they were facing each other. Dick's breathing was coming fast now, his chest constricting as hot tears collected in his eyes. Studying every inch of the other man, he found himself in disbelief. When he first had woken up, terrified and in pain, he explored until he found a man sleeping. He took a closer look, knowing by the gear that this was The Red Hood. Why had the anti-hero saved him?

Then as he inched closer he saw his face. The face he hadn't seen for years, the one he missed so much every day that it burnt. Like a freight train the sudden realization stuck him. It made sense now why the Red Hood acted so weird, and why he had saved him. It was Jason. Mind spinning and shock numbing his body, Dick sat on the coffee table. He curled up on himself, and simply stared.

Jason was twitching with nerves, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Who are you?"

The sudden question made him confused, a brilliant response of "Huh?" leaving his lips. Smooth.

"I said, who are you?" Dick repeated, pointing the knife at the other man more threateningly.

However, they both knew it was an empty threat, but it was enough to make Jason's brain jump into answering "I think you already know.”

Shaking his head, Dick dropped the knife to the ground and placed his face in his palms as he began to rock back and forth. All of his thoughts suddenly rushed out and hit him at once as he babbled "No, no no no no” sobs wracking his body and it made something in Jason ache, "It can't be you, you're-you’re dead.. I-I buried you."

Uncomfortable, Jason didn't say anything. What could he say? So he sat there and listened to the other man cry. His heart hurt as he sat still, forcing himself to remain calm and collected. After a moment, the older man calmed down some and hesitantly asked "How?"

"The Lazarus Pit, Thalia wanted to get on Bruce's good side I guess."

"Oh, Jason" the brokenness of Dick's voice made his unease rise, not wanting the other’s pity.

They all knew what the Lazarus Pit did to people. He knew what it did to Rha's, and he was alive when he used it. The thought made Dick sick to his stomach, imagining what Jason was going through. How much pain was he in? For how long?

Dick mumbled something unintelligible to himself, and Jason asked "What?"

"No wonder The Red Hood always runs away from me" was what he repeated, looking him in the eye.

Becoming even more uncomfortable with the current situation, Jason stood up and ran a hand through his hair asking "How do you feel?"

Wanting to lie, Dick found he couldn't as he muttered "Tired and sore, and I smell like blood and sweat."

"You can shower if you want, I have some errands to run anyway."

The thought of Jason leaving made Dick internally panic. What if he didn't come back? Oh god if he didn't come back- "Okay."

With a sigh Jason walked back to his room, the older man following closely at his heels. Digging out some fresh clothes for Dick, since the shirt he was wearing had some blood on it, he set them aside. He spun around, only to come face to face with the other man. Involuntarily he took a step back, trapping himself against his dresser as Dick stared at him with still wide, shocked eyes.

It took all of Jason's willpower to stay still, trying not to squirm underneath his gaze or lower his own to the floor. Dick hadn't changed much, it seems. If he had Jason was sure he wouldn't be feeling the rising of emotion choking his throat as he swallowed harshly at the lump. He was not going to cry.

Mind finally kicking itself into working once more, he stammered out "I-I should check your wounds before you shower."

All the older man did was nod, either too scared or still in too much shock to answer verbally. With a sigh Jason slipped out around his predecessor and grabbed the pile of clothes, Dick once again following him. Jason stepped into the bathroom, setting the clothes on the counter as he grabbed a towel and set it down next to them.

Motioning to the closed toilet lid, Dick took the hint and sat atop of it with the same carefully composed expression. The one Jason was mimicking, both of them too afraid to let their guard down. Carefully, Jason grabbed the hem of Dick's, well really it wasn't his, shirt and lifted it over the other's head. Letting it drop to the floor, he noted that while it had bled through, it wasn't by much.

"This might hurt a little" Jason warned, Dick taking a deep breath to calm himself before giving a nod of acceptance.

As gently as he could manage, Jason removed the bandages from his wounds. To his relief the stitches had held and the small stab wounds were scabbed up. Dick held his breath as Jason examined him, his skin burning at the touch and attention. A flush rose to his cheeks when the other looked up at him, Jason’s beautiful eyes revealing more to him than Jason would've liked.

They were so close, and maybe it was the desperation and elation of just finding out the love of his life wasn't dead, but Dick really wanted to kiss him. Before he could think about it for more than a few seconds, Jason pulled away. His face held the tiniest tinge of pink and it made his stomach twist in ways he had almost forgotten.

"You should clean yourself up" Jason said, trying to move his gaze away from the shirtless Dick Grayson, "just be careful of your stitches."

Once again he nodded and Jason reciprocated the motion before walking out of the bathroom. Grabbing the handle, he started to close the door as he said "I'll be back in a few hours. Make yourself at home while I'm gone, if you get hungry and think you can hold something down there's some food in the kitchen."

"Okay" Dick replied, albeit quietly, watching the other as Jason let his guard fall for a moment.

He was in just as much shock as Dick was.

"Okay, see you later" Jason said awkwardly, before closing the door and smacking himself on the forehead for being so stupid.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. In fact, it wasn't supposed to happen at all. God, how could he be so fucking stupid? Bitterly, he suited up in his gear before walking out of the safe house. He had failed a contract, and there were sure to be consequences. It was all Dick's fault, the idiot taking on more than he could handle. Jason just had to help him, though he knew he'd never forgive himself if he didn't. With a sigh he made his way across the rooftops, dread settling in his chest.

Meanwhile, Dick was still in shock. His brain was having a hard time functioning as he sat on the toilet lid for god knows how long. After a while, he numbly began to strip the rest of the way as he turned on the water. He let the shower warm for a few moments, looking over his injuries in the mirror. Ugly, deep purple bruises took up the center of his chest all with his left arm and right thigh. He had been lucky.

The stab wounds were an angry red, stinging every time he moved that area of his body. In fact, he simply ached all over. Hopefully, some warm water would help with that. Stepping into the shower, he closed the curtain as he let the water cascade around his body. He tried not to cry out as it ran over his wounds, to little to no avail. It hurt like a bitch, but he had to clean them to help them heal and stay infection free.

Going through the motions of showering absentmindedly, it was only as he watched the pink water run down the drain that he began to feel it. Emotions bubbled in his chest as his brain simmered with jumbled thoughts, behind his eyes beginning to burn as he felt his throat tighten. Before he could do a thing about it, he was crying. Hot tears streamed down his face as a wretched, ugly sob left his body.

Sinking to his knees, Dick wrapped his arms around himself as he sobbed openly, brokenly. Jason being alive, talking to him, it had destroyed what scraps of himself Dick had managed to cling on to. The younger man wasn't the same, he could tell, and it was like losing him all over again. Except there was a flicker of hope burning in his chest that only made it hurt all the more.

What was he going to do? There were so many questions he had, but he was too afraid of the answers to even consider asking them. He continued to let his emotions pour out, long after the water ran cold. After a while he began to shiver at the liquid ice freezing his skin. Reaching up, he turned the water off and sat on the shower floor staring blankly off into space.

Dick wasn't sure how long he sat there, but eventually his mind cleared enough for him to slowly get up and carefully towel himself off. Slipping on Jason's clothes, he couldn't help but tear up at the loose fitting clothing. It was so achingly familiar. With a sigh Dick walked back to where he found Jason earlier this morning, laying in the exact same position Jason had been in as he closed his eyes and breathed in deep.

Silent tears collected in his eyes, but he ignored them as he let his mind wander. Not that it did much good. As to be expected it mainly wanted to focus on Jason, even as he began to feel the tired ache creep into his bones as he sank further into the sofa. He had woken up this morning, in pain, in a place he didn't recognize, in clothing that didn't belong to him, and when he wandered around and stumbled upon all The Red Hood gear he immediately became terrified.

He had sat there for hours, loosely clutching the knife and staring in disbelief. The activity of his damaged body was now taking its toll as he slipped off into sleep. His dreams were filled with Jason as he watched him die repeatedly, only to bare witness as he was brought back to life. It was horrifying to watch as he slept, until something forced him awake.

Abruptly shooting up, Dick winced at his chest and shoulder as he heard muttered crude words and things clanging to the floor. He noticed it was now dark outside, as obvious by the one window and how pitch black the safehouse was. Unsure of what to do, he got into a more comfortable sitting position and decided to speak up.

"Hello?" Dick called, fear creeping up his throat. He wouldn't be able to defend himself like this.

The sounds stopped immediately and a few moments of silence hung in the air before Jason called back "Dick?"

A sigh of relief left the older man for many different reasons as he stood up with some difficulty, eyes adjusting to the dark as he called "Where are you?"

More curses carried across the dark space before Jason answered "In the bathroom."

With that the hero stumbled his way to the bathroom, relieved that the light was on in there as he rounded the corner and stepped into the doorway. "What are you-" he cut himself off, unable to finish his sentence as he took in the scene before him.

Jason was huddled over the sink, medical supplies scattered everywhere and blood covering most of the surface around said sink and his clothing. His Red Hood gear. "I made a contract the night I found you to take out the same warehouse" he explained, anger and fear mixing dangerously in his stomach, "except when I got there you had already taken care of the thugs, and when I found you I took off and didn't even think about it. I went back to them today and they tried to kill me, luckily I got them first."

Grimacing, Dick took a calming breath before he asked "Are you hurt?"

"A guy got me in the shoulder with a bullet and another stab in my left arm. I'm a little bruised, but otherwise fine."

Protective, hero mode fueling him, Dick instructed "Get in the shower and strip. Wash all the blood off and then I can look at your shoulder and arm."

Protests immediately sprang to his lips as Jason began "Dick, you don't need to-"

"Please" he said, embarrassment coloring his cheeks as his voice cracked with emotion, "let me help you."

Despite himself, Jason found his body moving automatically as he stepped into the shower and began to strip. Dick helped him as much as he could with his armor around his shoulder before turning the water on. Hissing in pain, Jason breathed in deeply through his nose as he skewed his eyes shut.

He jumped when a hand suddenly touched his bare skin. Eyes shooting open, he was surprised to find Dick washing his wound. The water made his hair fall into his eyes as he watched the other, trying not to admire how gorgeous he was as his head began to pound. Shit.

He couldn't do this right now.

Dick was trying not to hyperventilate as he gently touched the other man’s chest, trying to keep his eyes from wandering too much at the familiar yet different body in front of him. As gently as he could manage, he cleaned him up and tried to ignore the searing gaze of Jason’s that was boring into his skull. He finished too quickly and yet not slow enough as he took a step back with a calming breath. Turning off the water, Dick handed Jason a towel and left for a brief moment to rummage around in Jason’s drawers for some clothes.

As quickly as he could manage Jason toweled off, accepting the boxers and sweatpants Dick offered him as he slipped them on. Silence stretched between them as the taller of the two sat down on the closed lid of the toilet seat, Dick stooping down to inspect the wound thoroughly. Their close proximity made Jason’s heart stutter in a way that felt so familiar as the air grew thick.

“You're going to need a few stitches” Dick remarked quietly, using his good arm to rummage around for the supplies.

Quietly, Jason accepted the pain medication as Dick set to work. He tried his hardest to remain still as he was stitched closed. Once the older man was done, he cleaned up any remaining blood off of Jason. The younger chose to forgo a shirt as he sat back, taking in a deep breath as he willed the pain in his shoulder and mind to subside.

Dick watched him, admiring how handsome he was. The emotions were rushing back so quickly that it made him dizzy. God, he loved this man so much and he knew he would never stop. At this point it was an impossible feat anyway.

“Thanks” Jason suddenly murmured, breaking the silence as he stood up.

The hero was met with a scarred chest as the other man loomed over him, noticing how Jason had somehow grown even taller and gotten more muscular. “Well, I still owe you two more free stitches” he only half joked, stepping back against the sink.

Awkward unease crept into Jason’s bones at the tension in the air between them grew impossibly thicker. Clearing his throat, he asked “Are you hungry?”

Dick nodded, following Jason as he forced himself to step out of the bathroom and towards the main area of his safe house. “What time is it?” Dick asked, unable to tell.

“It's eight o’clock, I was gone for more than a few hours but I'm sure you slept most of the time I was gone.”

Responding with only a nod, Dick allowed himself to look around as Jason bustled around in the kitchen, watching the other from the corner of his eye. Dick came upon his still lightly stained red dining room table, his ripped Nightwing costume lying stiff on the ground, caked with dried blood. Stepping away from the table, he walked over to where the Red Hood’s helmet laid on the ground.

With a little bit of strain, he bent over to pick it up. Examining it, he turned it over in his hands as he felt the question burning on his tongue. It was dying to be free, so without thinking he blurted “Why did you save me?” Immediately he looked down, trying to distract himself from how Jason tensed and glanced in his direction with pain.

Jason sighed, abandoning his hopes on finding something edible in his kitchen, knowing he was unable to focus on cooking as he walked over and gently took the helmet from the older man. “I don't know” he answered honestly, heart constricting painfully in his chest at the other man’s obvious disappointment. Dick let his hands fall down to his sides, looking up at the other man through his lashes as Jason felt the heavy weight of the other’s gaze sitting in his chest.

A memory crept up and stabbed him in the brain, his face scrunching up in a brief moment of pain before moving away from Dick and setting his helmet on the counter. He clutched the counter for support with a deep breath, the older man watching intently as he hesitantly took a step forward.

“Are you okay?”

Thankfully as quickly as it came it had left as he stood up, saying “Yeah, happens sometimes.”

Concerned, Dick pressed further “What happening exactly?”

“Memories.”

That stunned Dick into silence as they both stood there, the air between them holding more emotion than they could ever begin to express. Before he had a chance to press further, however, Jason said “There's nothing in my kitchen so do you want pizza or Chinese.”

“Chinese” Dick answered, watching as Jason grabbed his wallet and promised to be back soon before slipping out once more in a rush.

Sighing, Dick sat on the edge of the couch and put his head in his hands. This was just so, so fucked up. Jason didn't want anything to do with him it seemed like, and all Dick wanted was to get him back again. Did he even remember Dick completely? He wasn't so sure.

In all honesty, he thought about just walking out the door while Jason was gone, but something in him made him stay. Jason was lost and alone, and Dick wanted to be the one to bring him back. He wanted, he craved his love to be with him again. Dick had spent too long grieving and longing for what he could never have, and now that he had gotten a second chance? Well, there was no way in hell he was going to be giving it up so easily.

Too lost in his own thoughts, he jumped out of his skin when Jason gently put a hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry, didn't mean to scare you” Jason apologized as he sat sat down as well, looking over at the other man with concern.

Dick just nodded, his brain fuzzy and heart still beating rapidly. Standing once more, Jason moved into the kitchen and returned with a glass of water, ordering Dick to “drink”. Doing as he was told, Dick drank the water as his beautiful blue eyes peered up at him. Pain clouded his mind as he got snapshots in time of different moments where Dick looked at him like that with his lovely, sapphire eyes.

That look that said he loved him; and Jason didn't know how to handle that.

So, he chose to ignore it as he took back the empty glass, trying to ignore how electricity sparked across his skin as their fingertips brushed together. Memories loomed in the back of his mind like a dark thunderhead as he pushed them down, setting another full glass of water on the table in front of the other man as he sat down. Jason sat at the opposite end of the couch as Dick, trying to remain as far away as possible, frustrated that a very large part of him was only screaming to get closer.

Silently, Dick accepted his food and began to quietly eat, eyes only leaving the container to briefly glance up at the tv which Jason had turned on to somehow make him feel better. It didn't really, though. He mindlessly watched the screen, only to avoid looking at Dick who was so withdrawn that it made him ache. This wasn't the Dick he remembered, so boisterous and full of life. This Dick was simply overspent and too emotionally drained to do much of anything besides stare aimlessly.

Really, the older was fighting an inner war with himself. Jason was everything he wanted in life, and although he was right here in the very same room by some miracle, he never seemed further away. This wasn't the same Jason, it wasn't his Jason; was he? He looked the same, yet also somehow different. Dick didn't know what to believe in anymore as he stomached all he could muster before curling up on the couch and eventually drifting off, dried salty trails staining his cheeks.

Jason sighed, leaning his head back against the sofa as he finally let himself look over at the other man. He took in the other as he finally let the memories set free, clenching his teeth in pain as he watched his old life pass him by in still frames. It seemed like such a long time ago, a distant past that he would never be able to fully comprehend or understand again. Everytime he reached for it, it flitted just a bit further out of his reach.

There was no doubt about it, he was going to break Dick’s heart.

With a heaving sigh he forced himself to stand, trying to keep himself from dwelling on that thought but finding it a fruitless endeavor as he gently picked Dick’s sleeping form up off of the couch. The acrobat subconsciously moved closer to him in his arms, his touch burning Jason’s skin so badly it hurt as he laid the older on his bed. He was barely able to tuck him under the covers before he succumbed to his own mind.

Tears stung his eyes as he swallowed harshly at the lump in his throat, desperately trying to get a grip on the voices in his head as he laid down on the couch. You’ll never be good enough. You’ll never deserve him. He hates you. You’re a monster. They whispered in his ear as pain bloomed behind his scrunched up eyes, remembering more and more about Dick Grayson by the second. The process was extremely painful as he grabbed a pillow to bite into, trying to get a handle on the pain before he eventually failed, passing out with the pillow still clenched between his teeth.

And that was only the first day.

Fortunately the next day was uneventful, to say the least. It seemed Dick was still in shock, not saying much from his curled up corner of the couch, his body trying to rejuvenate itself. Jason was still injured, so unable to do jobs, he lounged around in the silence watching tv. Luckily, he had woken up before Dick had and removed the pillow from his mouth, his mind still trying to sort through and process all the new information he learned, thankful that at least the pain was gone.

Then, something inside Dick snapped as the third day rounded its ugly head. He wanted answers, and wanted them now. He had waited around for this moment for long enough, and if he didn't seize it now he'd regret it for the rest of his life. As Jason sat down on the couch with breakfast in hand, he was caught off guard when Dick spoke.

“The Lazarus Pit resurrected you?”

Jason choked a bit on his cereal, but rose an eyebrow at Dick as he replied “Yes.”

“How?”

Irritation crept under his skin at the prodding, but he tried to remain calm as he answered “I don't know, I just woke up drowning in the green stuff.” Silence stretched between them, Dick contemplating what he had said as Jason cautiously ate his breakfast.

The next question came a few hours later as they were silently watching tv once again, Dick studying Jason’s face as he asked “You said you get memories?”

“Yeah” he answered, uncertainty coloring his words as he felt his body go stiff. He didn't want to talk about this. Please, anything but this.

“So, what do you remember?” the older asked, hope burning bright in his chest as he tried to keep his expression neutral.

Except Jason could see right through him, could see the tentative hope in his eyes that just about crushed what was left of Jason’s damaged heart. “Lots of things” he answered nonchalantly, trying to keep the topic away from what they used to be.

Again, silence stretched on. As the minutes ticked by the more Jason relaxed, until a whole hour went by and he finally relaxed against the couch. He cast a sideways glance at the other man, relieved to see that he had dozed off. Panic bubbled up in Jason’s chest as he thought about Dick’s methodical prodding. It wouldn't be long until he revealed something he shouldn't, and then he'd be royally fucked.

His shoulder was feeling a lot better, soon he'd be able to ditch his safehouse and make a break for it. He just had to leave Blüdhaven behind, leave Dick behind. If he didn't he would fall hard for him, and Jason knew that he wasn't good enough for this man. He was so pure and good that it made his heart hurt, his pretty eyelashes fluttering in his sleep as Jason scrutinized his face.

God, was he gorgeous.

Yeah, he definitely had to leave soon. He was already in too deep.

Dick didn't wake up for a few hours, and when he did he kept quiet. His mind was too busy putting all the pieces together of Jason’s broken life. The boy he loved was still in there, trapped beneath the surface, buried under all of his pain. It broke Dick’s heart. Somehow he was going to get him back, but he wasn't sure how, yet.

He was sure of one thing, however, he was determined as all hell. With that in mind, throughout the course of the day Dick made his way closer and closer to the other. Jason hardly noticed, except when it got late and a body leant into his. The contact made him jump a little, but Dick didn't move from his position. His head was resting on Jason’s bicep, legs tucked up behind him on the couch as he sighed.

The acrobat’s soft hair tickled his arm as Jason held his breath, trying not to move. Dick smiled to himself when he began to feel Jason relax as he closed his eyes, before long drifting off. Soft, quiet snores let Jason know the other was sleeping, allowing him to finally release his breath and relax. A small bit of panic burned the back of his throat, knowing that Dick was touching him, but yet having the acrobat curled into his side just felt so right that he wouldn't dare move.

Eventually he fell asleep that way, and when he woke up in the afternoon to a warm body pressed against his he panicked. He startled Dick awake with his thrashing as he stood up, making a beeline straight for the bathroom. Dick groggily watched him in confusion, sighing as he let his body collapse into the couch with a groan.

Jason’s panic began to subside as he stepped into the shower, allowing the warm water to soothe him. Having Dick so close was dangerous, and now he knew that. There was too much there, and begrudgingly he decided that tomorrow he would skip town. He hoped that he could disappear so well that he made Dick question whether or not he even really came back at all, to make him doubt himself and give up on the search for Jason that he was sure to start.

He would disappear like smoke in the wind.

However, the solid plan he had formed in his mind suddenly was gone as he stepped into the main living area of his safe house. He froze mid step and felt his chest constrict painfully as he took in Dick. The man was lying on the couch, curled into a ball, his eyes red and puffy as he sniffled. Then those baby blues were looking up at him, the raw emotion in them making him breathless.

Dick stood up slowly, Jason still frozen as he tentatively asked “Why are you trying to keep me away?” The taller didn't answer, just staring dumbfoundedly as the acrobat slowly made his way closer.

“You didn't want me to die, you could've taken me anywhere else but you kept me here, but yet you don't want me too close” he mused, the antihero’s heart thudding in his throat as his pulse hammered away in his skull.

Then they were close, too close and it made Jason’s head swim as their chests touched. Dick’s breath fanning out across his face as his eyes gazed right through him, feeling like his soul was being split open inch by inch and the other man was stealing it from him. Everything he was involved the other man, but Jason couldn't let this change his mind.

So, when Dick questioned quietly “What do you want, Jason?” he couldn't keep doing this.

Dick was driving him crazy. Every time their gaze met or their skin touched it burnt. These feelings were always there, looming in his mind and bubbling under his skin. It was more than he could handle. Something had to give, and so Jason knew that he had to leave.

Gently as he could muster, he pushed past Dick as he grumbled “To not have this discussion.”

He heard Dick suck in a deep breath before a strong hand latched into his wrist, and Jason reared around in surprise. “You can't run away from me forever.”

“I'll sure as hell try” he seethed, taking a step forward and crowding into Dick’s space, trying to intimidate him.

Except, it didn't work the way he had planned as Dick took a step forward and determination shone in his deep blue eyes as he replied “You don't scare me, Jason.”

A grin slipped onto his lips, all toothy and maniacal as he forced Dick to take a step back by pushing even closer. “I don't? Because I could kill you right now, it wouldn't be hard with your injuries, and we both know Daddy doesn't know where you are.”

For a split second Jason thought he had won whatever they were arguing over as Dick watched him silently. The older studied his love’s deep blue green eyes. Turmoil and unlabeled emotion churned in them, giving away more than Jason probably wanted. Underneath the harsh, cold exterior he could still see the warmth. He could still see Jason looking at him the way he did when they were kids.

Then it suddenly all made sense as Dick spoke ever so quietly with astonishment “You still love me.”

“What?”

“You still love me” Dick repeated, a soft smile curling his lips beautifully and Jason swallowed harshly as he subconsciously took a step back, “You don't know why, and maybe you don't remember everything, but I can see it in your eyes. You still look at me the same way as you did before. It's why you couldn't let me die and why you couldn't let me go now, even though you want to be far away from me as possible, you just can't.”

Jason clutched at his head, eyes skewing together, all of his emotions bubbling up to the surface as he felt hot tears sting the corners of his eyes. Then, as Dick breathed “Little Wing,” he snapped. Roughly, he shoved the other male away as he practically screamed “I don't love you and I don't need you. What I need is to fucking get out of here before I kill you!”

Dick yelped as he stumbled backwards, yet he desperately clutched onto him as Jason tried to push him away, “Jason, please, I can't-”

He was interrupted as the wind was knocked from his lungs as his back slammed into a wall, Jason pinning him against it as he growled out “I can't stay, don't you get it? I kill because I have to, if I don't I go crazy, and I will end up hurting you.”

“I fucking buried you in the ground” Dick spat, angry tears rolling down his face as he panted and Jason watched him intensely, “I was broken without you. I have never gone a day without thinking about you. You can't just show up and leave me again, not like this, please, I-I can't handle it. Little Wing, I love you.”

Silence stretched on between them, both panting and eyes wet with tears. Then suddenly Jason surged forward, lips pressed against Dick’s desperately like a clap of thunder. The older clutched onto his shirt, fingers twisting into the fabric as he held him close. Jason kissed him like he was a drowning man, lips desperate and hungry as he licked into Dick’s mouth, lightning splintering across every nerve. Dick moaned and he growled in the back of his throat, hand gripping the other’s hip tightly as his other clutched his jaw, angling his face the way he desired as he dominated the other man.

Dick let his mouth be taken so roughly, shuddering as Jason’s teeth bit harshly into his bottom lip. Then suddenly he was being lifted and he wound his long legs around the other man’s torso, unable to stop himself from moaning as Jason squeezed his ass. Every inch of his skin burned from Jason’s touch, desperation and so much unbridled want coursing through him that he didn't care where he was being taken.

The younger of the two managed to get into his bedroom, kicking the door closed as pressed Dick into the mattress, reminding himself to be careful of their injuries. He plastered his body along the other’s, their kiss wet and filthy as Jason ran his hands up his sides. Giddiness crept into Dick’s bones as Jason touched him, so goddamn happy to have him back. Pulling away slightly, Jason dragged the other’s bottom lip with him with his teeth, earning him a low moan as he kissed his way to Dick’s neck.

Tilting his head back against the pillow he had been using the past couple nights, he moaned and writhed as he felt Jason’s teeth and lips press into his skin. A shot of arousal burning down his spine as his sinful tongue swept across the angry bite marks, Jason’s brain unable to keep up with the sensory overload that was Dick Grayson.

He looked over his pretty throat, so perfect he could hardly stand it, and instead of slitting it like he saw in his mind he marked it with dark love bites. Dick ran his hands through the other’s hair, gently tugging on the streak of white in his otherwise black hair and enjoying the groan it earned him. Unable to be patient any longer, Jason sat upright on his knees over Dick’s hips, grabbing a hold of the other man’s shirt and pulling it over his head, flinging it across the room uncaringly; his own shirt following close after.

Their bare skin melted together as Dick dragged him down for yet another kiss, moaning into it as their tongues met in the middle messily. Jason ran his hands over every perfect inch of Dick’s gloriously golden skin that he had access to, leaving Dick’s nerves frying from his touch as he gasped, fingers twisting harder into his hair. Pausing briefly to rub at his nipples enough to make Dick pant, Jason again kissed down to his neck and continued his mission of marking every inch of his skin, claiming him as his.

It made Dick feel so impossibly good as he wiggled under the attention, gasping when Jason’s hips pressed desperately against his own with a groan. Dick could only moan as their hips ground together, creating delicious friction that had him digging his nails into the other male's back. There was a tiny voice in the back of Dick’s head that said this was wrong, but it was forgotten just as soon as it had appeared as Jason’s tongue flicked out teasingly against one of his nipples with a particularly harsh snap of his hips.

“Jason” Dick moaned, the first word spoken between them since the frenzied kissing and groping, and the sound of his name being gasped from the mess below him made Jason feel even more dangerous.

He wanted Dick right fucking now.

Without a second's hesitation he grabbed the waistband of Dick’s borrowed sweatpants, beginning to pull them down the other man's muscular thighs. Some part of him still being mindful of their injuries. When Dick showed no sign of protest, simply looking up at him with pupils blown so wide the gorgeous blue was almost gone. The color was replaced by lust and longing so heavily it almost made Jason choke on his tongue. Dick reached up and began undoing Jason’s own pants, the younger allowing him to before he stood up over him to kick them off, quickly pulling Dick’s down and flinging them away as well.

Pushing apart Dick’s knees, Jason settled in between his spread legs and kissed Dick again and again and again, until he was a panting mess. His calloused fingers ran up the inside of his thigh, testing the waters, and satisfied when Dick only shuddered and whined desperately in response. Jason sucked on the other’s lips and tongue as he ran his hand over the obvious tent in the other’s underwear. He was rewarded with a very loud moan of his name, and it only spurred him on as he massaged the other’s erection.

“Jason” Dick panted, head thrown back as his hips thrust up into his hand with a moan, “please.”

The younger wanted to be cocky and say some stupid, dirty comment but his brain simply wouldn't let him. Instead he found himself pulling down Dick’s underwear hurriedly, desperate to get his hands on every single part of Dick Grayson that he could, giving in to their wants as they both now were completely naked. Jason took a small moment to simply look, enjoying the red flush that spread across Dick’s face and down to his rapidly rising and falling chest.

Jason looked into his eyes as neither of them said a thing, Dick running a single finger down his autopsy scar. The movement sparked him to surge forward, once again capturing Dick’s lips in a hasty kiss. He was too afraid to slow down, to take his time and ravish Dick the way he wanted because he knew in the end his demons would find him before he was done.

Although, Dick didn't seem to care or object as he was kissed and touched roughly, his hips rolling sinfully as he dragged his nails down’s Jason’s back purposefully leaving marks. “Fuck me” he breathed into Jason’s delicious lips, eyeing him up before kissing him again.

All the younger could do was nod like an idiot, absentmindedly reaching over to his nightstand for a little tube as he grabbed one of Dick’s thighs. He pushed Dick’s hips off of the bed slightly, giving himself easier access as he pressed a finger into Dick’s entrance without warning, causing him to cry out and continue to pant. As carefully as he could muster he prepared Dick, growing less and less patient with the more fingers he added, Dick sounding more debauched the further he was stretched.

When Jason couldn't take it anymore he pulled his fingers out, slicked himself up, and gently pushed inside Dick’s readied body with a groan. Dick panted, willing his body to adjust as Jason used all his power to keep still until Dick’s hips shifted and he moaned. He leant down, pressing their bodies together as much as possible as he thrust into the other man. Dick kissed Jason passionately, moaning when he moved his hips faster, grazing his sweet spot.

Before long Jason was fucking Dick with earnest, both of them moaning as the bed creaked. Jason’s name danced across Dick’s tongue like a mantra, feeling so overwhelmingly good as he was made complete once more. Jason was here, was really here with him as Jason leant down and captured his lips. It was enough to send him reeling as he moved his hips to meet every one of the other’s thrusts, making them both moan. Euphoria sizzled through his veins as Dick finally came with a cry of his love’s name, Jason following shortly after with a moan as he collapsed on top of the older man. They stayed that way for a few moments, before the weight of what had just happened settled on their shoulders. Jason gently pulled away, grabbing a dirty shirt that had been on the floor to clean up Dick before he collapsed on the bed next to him.

They sat there in silence, both still coming down from their high as they stared at the ceiling in the dark. Dick wasn't stupid, he knew that this didn't mean anything. Well, he knew it didn't automatically fix everything. Jason was still damaged severely, but he wasn't broken. He obviously still cared about him, and he knew that he still had a good heart. Dick looked over at Jason, memorizing every edge and curve of this moment in case this was his last chance to ever see his love ever again.

At least he got one more night, right? It was more than most ever got, and it was more than he had ever expected or dared to hope for.

Jason could feel the other’s eyes on him, burning into his skin as he looked over timidly. Dick was staring at him unabashedly, so much hope shimmering in his baby blues that Jason felt his heart constrict. What had he just done? He felt panic begin to eat away at him. Dick probably thought this meant they were together, and shit, Jason didn't blame him. He knew on some level he wanted that again, but right now, he couldn't. He was still too messed up from the pit, visions of gore and blood clouding his mind, and the last thing he would ever want to do was hurt Dick. He loved him.

Of course, he never said any of those things.

The older was the first to move, shifting closer to the other male until he could wrap himself up in the other. Jason somewhat froze, unsure of what to do. He was met with an eyeroll and a teasing smile. “What, no cuddles after sex?”

Ah, there was the Dick of his memories.

Heat rose in his cheeks, but Jason didn't argue. He simply put a hand on Dick’s waist, stroking the skin there with his thumb. Something inside him ached for this man so deeply it made his whole soul cry out, but he didn't think he could give in completely. He kissed Dick’s lips softly, unable to stop himself. It made Dick grin though, shifting even closer before turning around in his arms to be the little spoon.

Despite himself Jason smiled, wrapping around the other man as he gently stroked the other’s skin. Still quiet stretched on between them, and just when he thought he was asleep, Dick murmured so quietly he almost didn't hear him “Jason?”

“Yeah?” he replied, voice barely above a whisper.

More silence before “Please be here when I wake up.”

The words broke Jason’s heart but he was unable to speak. More quiet suffocated them before Jason forced himself to say “Okay.”

The resulting sigh and Dick’s shift to get more comfortable made him release a breath, settling in himself and closing his eyes. “I love you” Dick mumbled, content and happy for the first time in years as he drifted off.

It was only after he heard the other’s small snores that Jason mumbled “I love you too,” before passing out.

 

* * *

 

“Dick!”

Blearily, he sluggishly blinked open his eyes, only for them to squint immediately at the blinding light shining in his face as he tried to sit up.

“Oh thank god, Dick.”

He knew that voice. Looking around, he finally set his eyes on the familiar faces of Bruce and Tim. They were teary eyed, crouched down around him, checking him in multiple places for god knows what as Dick’s brain scrambled to catch up. Where was he? Why were they here?

“Where am I? What happened?” he mumbled, tongue and limbs feeling heavy.

“You've been missing for four days, Dick. We've been looking for you, and we found you here on this rooftop, curled up under a blanket. Where were you?”

Things suddenly clicked into place as Dick shot up, scrambling to his feet despite the others’ protest as he desperately looked around. He felt his chest constrict as he began to pant, tears welling up in his eyes, until finally he spotted him. There, across the street, crouching on a far away rooftop he saw The Red Hood.

With wide eyes and despair churning in his chest, Dick shook his head as he cried out, screaming “No! Please, don't do this!”

The Red Hood stood up, watching silently until he gave a small wave of goodbye before jumping out of sight as he ran away. Dick fell to his knees, crying hysterically as the other men tried to desperately understand and help. Except they couldn't. Dick had just lost the love of his life, again.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop. Okay so, I kinda love it? I mean it's not perfect and honestly I wanted to delve even deeper into this but it was already so long that I couldn't. I didn't want to split it up into different chapters so this is the result! I hope you like it. :) Again, sorry for such a long update time. Like I said in the beginning, I recently moved across the country and I've been dealing with a lot of mental health problems. In addition to that I've rewritten this at least three or four times. I wanted it to be perfect, and I definitely feel like this is the best version I came up with. As I write this right now I'm preparing for Hurricane Irma so I'm not sure when the last chapter will be posted. I hope to have it up soon, but I guess we'll see what happens. Thank you guys so much for reading this and if you liked it don't forget to leave kudos/bookmark/review or all 3! Please and thank you. ;)


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is, the final chapter! I'll say my thoughts at the end if you care to read them. This is just an Epilogue but I do plan to write some more one shots or something in this universe. For now though, here you go. Enjoy!
> 
> Warning: Language, and mentions of a rape kit (even though there was no rape whatsoever).
> 
> Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters aren't mine. :(

Dick sighed as tipped his head back, rolling his shoulders as he stretched out his tense, sore muscles. His neck cracked and his shoulders popped with a groan as he sat at the edge of a rooftop, feet dangling over the edge as he sighed. Nightwing brought a blue striped hand up to his jaw with another, more defeated, sigh.

Currently, he was on patrol. In fact, he had just stopped some asses from beating up on a woman, except, one of them had landed a nice punch to his jaw. Really they shouldn't have been able to get him, but he's been a little out of practice lately. Well, more like a couple of months; five to be exact. Why? Well…

It had been five months since Dick had seen Jason.

The memory of him still burnt through him like liquid fire, destroying Dick from the inside out. He tried his best not to think about it, but sometimes he couldn't help himself. The stinging pain of what he only was allowed to get a taste of was more devastating than he could have imagined. His small taste of Jason.

No matter how angry he had been, he missed Jason so much it made his chest ache, just like when he had died.

Dick pinched the bridge of his nose as memories came back, despite him trying to forget them. He remembered how Bruce practically carried him back to the Batcave, considering he had been too hysterical and weak to walk. Despite his protests, Alfred performed a blood test and a rape kit on Bruce’s insistence when he discovered all the bruising on Dick’s neck and shoulders. They found a very small amount of some harmless sleeping agent in his blood, but the results of the kit caused the whole family to tailspin.

They took his ability to lie about what had happened, so he told them the truth. All of it.

At first nobody believed the story Dick told, until The Red Hood disappeared without a trace and all the pieces seemed to fit into place. Bruce went into a funk for weeks, unable to handle the news of his second son's resurrection. Alfred cared for Dick like he had those many years ago, Tim helping out when he could. The acrobat stayed at the Manor for a couple months, slipping into a depression that made everyone in the family fret as news of Jason began circulating. By the time Dick began to feel better three months had already gone by like it was nothing. The world seemed uncaring of his pain and he knew time wouldn't stand still.

He knew that once more, he would have to move on.

With a deep sorrow settling into his bones, Dick walked over to Jason’s grave. Bruce had torn it up, digging up the coffin for proof of Jason’s resurrection. There had been a dummy inside, and none of them knew how they had let that slip by. Either way though, Dick walked over to the now vacant hole in the ground.

Rolling up his sleeves, he set upon his task. He grabbed a shovel and spent the whole day refilling the pit in the ground. With every scoop of dirt he felt his heart ache lessen. When he was finally finished, it was well into the evening as rosey tones began to streak the sky. He pressed a hand to the gravestone, kneeling in front of it as he felt tears collect in his eyes.

“I'm sorry, I failed you again” he mumbled, allowing himself his last moment of weakness before he had to let go.

Walking away from the graveyard, covered in dirt, he let his tears flow freely as his heart constricted painfully. The worst thing was the small flickering of hope that burned brightly in his chest. The hope that wouldn't let him move on completely, knowing Jason was still out there somewhere. The hope that one day he would return to him, and Dick knew no matter what he would accept the younger man with open arms. He would give all of the love he has in his stitched up heart.

Dick walked sadly up to the Manor, pausing suddenly in his tracks when he began to feel the unshakable feeling of being watched as the back of his neck tingled. Taking a moment to look around, he of course found no one there and sighed. Some part of him screamed ‘Jason’, but he decided to ignore the feeling and let the thought drift away, knowing he would do himself no good to dwell on it. Opening the door to the Manor he stepped inside, leaning back against the closed door and listening to the comforting stillness inside his childhood home. Most of the pain he felt inside was slowly starting to fade, being replaced with acceptance as he felt remotely free for the first time in months.

At the bottom of the hole lied a framed picture of him and Jason.

From that day on he moved back out into his apartment in Blüdhaven. He tried to keep his life busy, trying to keep himself distracted from Jason. In fact, he tried to ignore thinking of him altogether. Yet, there were times when his eyes would play tricks on him, making him see Jason where he really wasn't. Those moments made his progress back track.

Two steps forward, one step back.

He knew which of those instances was the worst as he pictured it in his mind. It had been a routine call. Some low life thugs robbing an ATM machine in the middle of the night. The three men were easy enough to take out, but as he handcuffed the third goon something in him made him look up. On a rooftop across the street, he swore he saw some glint of red in the shadows. His attention briefly snapped to the sirens he could hear in the distance, looking to the side before quickly looking back, only to find what he had been looking at was now gone.

That one messed him up for a very long time.

Then, after a few more of those ‘encounters’, he started to pay more attention to what the underbelly of Blüdhaven had to say and whether there were any rumors of what he had been seeing circulating or if it was all in his head. Much to Dick’s excitement and dread there were in fact rumors spreading through the criminal world like wildfire that The Red Hood was back in town. Dick was unsure of what to think as he listened to the talk of the criminal parts of town. Was it really Jason? Or was it some copy cat? And if it was Jason or not, why now?

The possible answers to those questions made his mind spin and his heart ache, so he tried not to think about it too much.

Dick had found that out only a few nights ago, and ever since then he had this undeniable feeling of being watched, but no one was ever there. It was a little unnerving, to say the least as he ran a hand through his shaggy, black hair. If Jason really was here, then Dick wasn't sure if the other man would seek him out. Even if he did, what would happen? A fight? A fuck? Or perhaps neither, maybe both? Dick didn't think he could handle any of it. He was still hurt from almost a year ago, and yet still very much in love. It was one big clusterfuck of contradictions in his head.

For a few more moments he lingered there, collecting his thoughts and reigning in his emotional turmoil before he stood. Well, that had been enough brooding for today, he decided with a sigh. All he wanted was to go home and sleep away his thoughts before he had to get up early for Officer Grayson’s duties. Except, it seemed life had other plans for him.

As he turned around to leave, Dick froze.

Paralyzed with shock, all he could do was gape as a gloved hand cradled his jaw over the nasty, dark purple bruise forming there. He jumped slightly at the contact, but was unable to keep himself from subconsciously leaning into the touch ever so slightly despite the rest of his body turning stiff as a board. “You should've been more careful” he mused, a soft smile tugging at his lips as his thumb gently traced circles into his skin.

Dick allowed his eyes to fall closed, enjoying the gentle touch as he nuzzled further into the hand. A soft sigh escaped him when lips pressed to his forehead, and despite his pain he couldn't find any trace of anger or resentment in him. All that was there was pure, unbridled elation and relief. Tears welled up in his eyes as he allowed himself to fall forward into a broad chest, large arms encircling around him as he began to cry.

“You came back” he whimpered after a few moments, pulling back slightly to look Jason in the eyes. His stomach twisted with happy and nervous butterflies as kisses were pressed into his cheeks over the salty trails there, sighing contently as Jason’s smile grew softer, sadder. It was full of emotion Dick understood as he leaned upwards, catching the other’s lips in his own, unwilling to wait any longer as he was gently pulled closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, lovelies, that marks the end of ‘Love Will Find A Way’! God, I can't believe it. I know this story is probably shit but god did I enjoy writing it. This series holds a near and dear place in my heart, and I really love this ending. I know it wasn't that long but I didn't really want it to be. Sorry if you liked the angst better, but I'm incapable of being that cruel. *shrugs* So, how did you guys like it? I really love it. Also, I'm planning to perhaps do some one shots that will be sequels to this, if anyone is interested. :) Sorry for taking longer than I wanted, but hurricane Irma was a bitch. I was thankfully unharmed and so was my family. I hope everyone else affected made it through safely. <3 Thank you all for being patient with my shitty update time and coming with me on this emotional roller coaster of a fic. And I hope you all enjoyed it. :) If you liked this don't forget to leave kudos and leave a comment, maybe check out one of my other fics, or perhaps all three? Please and thank you! Until next time my lovelies. ;)
> 
> P.S.- I have a tumblr if you wanna check it out, my username is literally the exact same as it is on here, starfirenighthood. Sorry but I'm too lazy to hunt down a link on my iPad. ;3

**Author's Note:**

> Well okay, first things first I'm so sorry for how depressing this is. I was just in the mood to write this (I wrote two chapters in one day so expect an update soon) and they just came out so sad. Although I think it works well with the story. This is of course the sequel to Ignorance is Bliss (which I'll probably rewrite someday) so the story continues on from there. Of course this starts up two years after the last one and at the end of the chapter when Red Hood comes its been another year, and after Jason has died if that's not clear enough. Jason was eighteen when he died and Dick was twenty. Anymore questions let me know and expect this to update quickly because I'm in love with it. :) Also be prepared for more sadness. As you can tell I mashed up a few different comics and Under The Red Hood the animated movie together to get my setting, so I'm not following any specific comic line I've just made my own. So if you enjoyed this don't forget to leave kudos, subscribe, comment, or all 3! Please and thank you. ;)


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